I’ve been getting hit hard with depressive episodes lately. I can’t see a future in which I’m not homeless. I’ve been trying to get disability for 2 years with no luck. They just keep pushing me off.
I feel it in my gut. That nothing is ever going to change. Nothing gives me any pleasure anymore. I can’t enjoy anything I do. I haven’t had a good day since I can remember. I’m completely broke. Not a dime to my name, quite literally. I cry myself to sleep more often than not.
I don’t feel like anyone cares at all. It feels like everyone just thinks this is all my fault. I don’t know what to do anymore. There is nothing that makes this better, even for a short time. I’d kill for just a few days without this feeling, but I don’t even know if that’s possible anymore. I’m thinking about suicide a lot. It’s begun to feel like that’s the only way out. The other choice is a few more years of unstoppable pain, anxiety, and depression.
I’m rambling so I’ll stop. I’ve sworn that I’d never hide my mental issues, and I will stand by that. It’s all I feel like it’s all I can do.
- Jack